


Goodbyes are hard, but life is harder

by omgbellamy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 5 year time jump, Alternate Universe - Space, Angst, Bellarke, Canon Compliant, Episode: s04e13 Praimfaya, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Love, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Sad Ending, Sadness, Separations, bellamy is just a broken bby, clarke is a martyr but what else is new, protect raven reyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 04:38:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11223498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgbellamy/pseuds/omgbellamy
Summary: 4x13. Bellamy and Clarke and their talk before Praimfaya comes.





	Goodbyes are hard, but life is harder

**Author's Note:**

> Hey here's another canon fic! This broke my heart writing, enjoy ya'll.

She notices his far away stare. She notices it as he watches Echo and Emori in the rocket. He must be baffled, Clarke thinks, amused. Grounders in space. How ironic. 

She walks over to him. “It's weird you know,” he says, “Grounders in space - its an oxymoron.” Clarke tries to hide her smile. He's a nerd.

“Well survival is a team sport,” she says. “We need everyone in this mission. It's our only choice – also an oxymoron, by the way.” She smiles up at Bellamy as his lips curl up into a smile. 

“So is cold sweat,” he counters and like that, the atmosphere changes. Bellamy reaches over with his calloused hand, and gently strokes her face, wiping away the sweat gathered from her forehead. Her heart pounds and she finds the intimacy of it is too much, so she looks away as his hand swipes down her face. She notes this feeling is new, this charged energy that seemed to follow them around lately wherever they go. 

But this time, Clarke thinks, she wants something to change. She's so tired of thinking their just friends – they never were, really. It's always been there between them, even with Finn, with Lexa, everyone knew she felt something for Bellamy too. Well, everyone but him. Clarke catches his hand as its sliding down her face and covers it with her own. She smiles sincerely at him, eyes full of wonder.

She is vulnerable like this. Completely open and exposed to him. It's nothing new with them, when two hours ago she was crying in his arms about not saying goodbye to her mother. And that, she thinks, that's why she thinks even with all the fuckery the Earth has thrown at them that they're meant to be together at the end of it all. If this is the end for them.

Bellamy looks at Clarke, eyes slightly wide. He didn't expect it, she notes. To be honest, Clarke thinks she had been making small steps towards letting him know how she felt these past few weeks. It just seemed to her that Bellamy either didn't feel the same way or was backing away for whatever reason.

“Clarke,” he croaks.

“Bellamy,” She repeats. “Let's just have this moment. Please.”

So they do.

They don't think about the technicalities of it, about what it means and where they're going from here. They even forget for a second that the world is ending, that Praimfaya will be here in a few hours to sweep the Earth clean. 

When she opens her eyes, he's looking back at her with a sad smile and light tears falling. She smiles back wistfully, knowingly. He lets his hand fall from her cheek then and steps back.

Silence follows them for a few minutes, before Clarke decides she needs him to hear it. “Bellamy,” she says softly, and he looks back at her.

“Mhm,” he mumbles.

“I – I need to say something.”

Bellamy gives her a nod, his silent way of telling her he is listening.  
“We don't know what is going to happen in a few hours to us or the Earth. Everything is up in the air, so if we don't make it I just need to tell you some things.”

Bellamy doesn't interrupt, he listens to her like always.

“We've been through a lot together, you and I,” she says and he makes a sound of agreement. “And I want you to know how much I appreciate you. Everything you did back then, was to protect your sister. She may not have known it, but I did. I always saw you Bellamy, you have such a big heart and you're so caring toward everyone even if you didn't always show it.”

She takes another breath, gauging his reaction. Bellamy eyes have widened slightly, but he remains attentive to her every movement and hangs on to her every word.

“But you know if we don't survive or if something happens to me-”

“Nothing is happening to you,” he says fiercely, grabbing her arm and squeezing it. She looks down to where he has a vice grip on her arm and watches him loosen his hold.

“If,” she amends, “You need to use your head. Your heart is so big and full, but for five years up there we're going to need your head.” She points to his head as if to emphasize her point and Bellamy looks back at her, incredulous. 

“I've got you for that,” he says in the softest voice and Clarke tries not to break.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“It's you,” Bellamy says. “You're my head, Clarke. That's why we're partners. I'm the heart, and you're the head. We balance each other out. We keep each other-”

“Centered,” she finishes.

And he nods. “Yeah.”

They exchange a knowing look and Clarke thinks back to what Jaha had said to her when she'd brought Bellamy into the bunker.

Clarke is standing anxiously tapping her foot. It's been a few hours, and he still hasn't woken up yet. She's more nervous than she's been in a long time, primarily because she doesn't know he is going to react to be down here away from Octavia. She bites her lip, imagining his anger when he wakes up to find himself here.

“You care about him, don't you?”

“What?” 

“You care about him,” Jaha repeats.

“Of course I do,” she says. She doesn't bother to deny it; everyone knows it. 

“More than the others, I mean,” Jaha says. 

“I-”  
“If you didn't, he wouldn't be down here,” Jaha points out.

Clarke sighs. He's not wrong. He's the first person she thought of to grab. For her own selfish reasons, Bellamy Blake had to live. He couldn't be left up there. 

“Of course not. Bellamy is a guardsman and one of our leaders, he is essential to our survival.”

“That may be, but I'm going out on a limb here to say that is not the reason why you wanted him with us. Is it, Clarke?”

Clarke keeps her poker face. She feels defensive. Why does Jaha care anyway? 

“He's my friend,” she says passively, folding her arms and glancing at him sideways.

Jaha furrows his brows. “So is everyone else still up there,” he counters. “We left them.”

Clarke glares at him. “We had to. Not everyone can be saved.”

“That's not the Clarke Griffin I know.”

“Fuck off,” Clarke sneers. “You don't know anything.”

Jaha is unfazed, and it irritates Clarke. How does he have the audacity to go there at a time like this? 

“Maybe I don't, but I and everyone else damn well knows that Bellamy Blake is your weakness.”

He's right, she thinks. He is. 

“We'll always need each other,” Clarke says. “Even if we're separated, the absence will be there. I don't think I understood that until after I came back to Arcadia.”

She notices Bellamy's wince at that. It still remains a touchy subject between them, a painful reminder of a time where they weren't co-leaders or even considered friends. “Well, we won't get separated again,” Bellamy says. Clarke winces. If only he knew. 

She smiles weakly. “Yeah,” she agrees. Bellamy pulls her into a another hug then and she feels bittersweet. He doesn't know what's about to happen, but she can bet he's going to be angry at her after. She buries her face into his neck, trying to memorize the Bellamy Blake smell: pine, woods and sweat. He tugs on her braid, an action she's discovered recently she's quite fond of. They hold each other for dear life as if they were in some kind of tragic historical novel where the protagonist has to leave. Only now, it's her reality.

Raven told her in confidence that there wasn't enough power on the ship to sustain nine people. The ship could handle at the most, and someone would be needed to activate the ring from the tower outside anyway. 

“You're our best bet,” Raven says. “Since you have Nightblood, you're more likely to survive the outside than any of us even in a hazmat suit.”

Clarke couldn't disagree with her logic, and she wanted to see her friends live. “I'll do it.”

“If you make it in time, we'll wait,” Raven tells her with a smile.

Clarke nods weakly, although she knows both she and Raven know the likelihood of it happening is slim.

Bellamy goes to help with the ship and with that opportunity, Raven finds her and gives her a briefing of what she has to do.

“I got it,” she says with a smile.   
Raven hugs her goodbye, sniffling as she pulls away. “I'm sorry, Clarke,” she says, pained. 

Clarke fakes a smile, braves it for the sake of Raven. “Don't be. I understand, Raven.”

Raven nods. “Still, it doesn't make it any less shit,” she says.

Clarke laughs. “No, it doesn't,” she agrees. With that, the two girls part and Raven begins to open the door to the lab to let Clarke out. 

And then he appears.

Bellamy comes running from the other room, and stops in his tracks when he sees Clarke at the door. “Clarke, you don't have to do this,” he says. He looks at her pleadingly, and Clarke's heart bursts. 

He's running towards her as Raven lets her out of the door. The doors are sliding closed and she cries as he bangs on the doors. “I'm sorry!” Clarke yells. “I love you! May we meet again.”

He continues to scream for about ten minutes, demanding Raven open the door. “It's sealed shut,” she says. 

“Then open it!” he seethes.

“I can't do that, Bellamy,” Raven says apologetically. 

“Well what if she makes it back?”

“Then I'll open it,” she promises.

Bellamy nods.

She doesn't. Because Clarke doesn't make it back. They're blasting off before she can even make it back into the lab. 

Bellamy watches as they descend further and further away from Earth. As he becomes further and further away from Clarke.

“May we meet again,” he whispers.


End file.
